Sludge Love

pesticides and such

2010-09-06T20:57:00.000-07:00

it seems that no matter how dead the bug is...if it's in the toilet and i'm peeing i find myself hovering above the seat in fear of it crawling up and biting my ass or worse my vagina. i could not live a functional life if ever a cockroach touched my butt.

i'd really like some icecream from dutch dreams right now

Strictly Business

2010-05-12T02:07:00.000-07:00

The Jerk book is now available at Hits and Misses (860 Bloor Street W.) for $5 each and is still available in the window of Zoinks!! (1019 Bloor Street W.) for the same price. I am still slowly putting together part 2 and hope to have it available before the summer is done.

I also have prints for sale which i will soon enough be putting online for viewing. They go from $15 -$30 depending on the size and whether you prefer framed or unframed.

I have greeting cards available. They simply have a print on the front and are blank on the inside, so you can write your own damn shit in there because there's nothing i hate more than a card that looks perfect on the outside, but then says some weird shit that you would never say to the person or to anyone for that matter on the inside, though if you want me to write something on the inside all fancy calligraphy-like or serial killer collage lettering-like i can for some extra coin. The cards go for $4 each and even come with a card.

I've been putting some stuff up around the city so keep your eyes peeled (i really hate that expression. it makes me cringe thinking of eyeballs being peeled like grapes with a paring knife) for secret messages and silly doodles and I'll also be having another show sometime soon once I find some sap to host my shit for a little while. If you know of any good bars out there looking for art for their walls let me know or let them know or let someone know about me.

I'm also going to seriously be pursuing this baking business. If you or anyone you know needs a delicious personalized birthday cake, or a batch of fresh baked cookies or a dozen or two of cipcakes or muffins then put in an order at the contact below. Tell me what you have in mind and we can work out a price. My baking services are not expensive. As long as the groceries are covered and I feel my efforts and time are fairly financially compensated then I'm happy to feed you and your party for a fair price.

Oh and if you're lucky enough to find some shake I can bake you some pretty damn tasty party favours with a little kick.

I'm down for doing just about anything creative right now so if you got a project and I can help in some way let me know what and when.

Contact me for any questions, concerns, love and marriage advice, info regarding purchasing some of my stuff, or possible projects.

jwrott@hotmail.com

taps and vinyl

2010-05-12T00:58:00.000-07:00

So it's been a hectic little while...I got dumped, my band broke up, I had a bit of a breakdown, I moved, I went to a couple record conventions, visited a friend in kingston, had people visit from out of town, and somehow managed to have a successful art show on top of it all.

I got to see Acid Mothers Temple again. A band called O'GOD (Over Gain Optimal-Death) opened for them and blew my mind so by the time the mothers got off the stage I felt like I had literally been mind fucked, but in a good way. I recommend these bands to anyone who can appreciate 20 minute psychedelic heavy bass trance-inducing fuzzy rock sets that are best ingested after a couple hits off the ol' bong or a hit of something that'll make your brains feel kinda funky.

It's funny. I go to these record conventions, but rarely buy a record. I find myself walking out
with old concert posters, rock bios, movies and back issues of Rolling Stone and Circus from the seventies.with interviews with the likes of Frank Zappa and Stevie Wonder from back in a time when music was actually music and not all this filler payola garbage dee-jays try to pass off as interesting in the slightest.

My kittens love their new home and Charly has developed a thing for my shower tap as you can see in the pictures that follow.

She does this every night when I get home. She sits there beside the shower looking at me making her little meeeerrrr sound until i turn the tap on just enough that it drips and then she goes nuts for it...it's the most heart melting thing around...if you're having a bad day i guarantee you come over and watch this go down you'll be smiling in a second...

sorry...I've become one of them crazy old ladies with nothing to do but talk about my cats...only I'm not old, well not really...

Next up: some random shots of the last month or so...there are a lot of them.

yes..i made that

2010-05-04T22:25:00.000-07:00

BEFORE

AFTER

smile

2009-10-20T23:38:00.000-07:00

it's been a good year.

the butthole surfers

what i see when i wake up

alone in an derelict church

on the way to the derelict church

the cat adrian hates

the cats that i love

chocolate chip bananas

kitties and satan live here

2009-09-01T13:42:00.000-07:00

so in a week or so i'll be a mom. well sorta. i'm getting two little kittens. the grey one's a girl. her names Dio and the beige one (he's kinda dumb, but shh, don't tell him) his name's Oscar...Erik got them for me for our anniversary...can you believe it's been four fuckin years already? oh man i can't wait to get these babies in here...it's gonna be a riot!!!

and...

it's a satanic table!!

The not so hilarious house of Billy Van

2009-08-30T22:04:00.000-07:00

So a couple weeks back i went out to my hometown of Scarborough to investigate a rumour that Billy Van's old cabin was falling off a cliff. Well, it's true and i managed to get some pictures of this amazing example of nature reclaiming it's space.

The bluffs have been eroding at a rapid pace since the mid fifties due to fancy rich people wanting to have their fancy rich houses built along them. Even before they began building, it was known that the land beneath them would eventually crumble and that the houses would one day fall to the water below. Actually, real estate agenies are still asking quite a bit for these properties. Yeah...I don't get it...It's a nice area, which makes one feel like they're out in the country, while not having to leave the city, and many of the backyards provide a beautiful view of the lake, but why on earth would someone invest that much into a house that may not be there the next day is beyond me.

For those who didn't grow up watching Hilarious House of Frightenstein, Billy Van was the genius behind it, playing most of the characters, as well many other classic Canadian shows (Bits and Bytes , Nightcap, Eureka!) and appeared as a recurring contestant on The Party Game. He was extremely dedicated to providing children with educational entertainment focusing a lot of attention on creativity, physics, and science.

dessert, anyone?

2009-08-30T12:41:00.000-07:00

so latley i've been thinking...i gotta do something with my talents...something that could maybe be of some use...and not just mental scribblings, finished canvases sitting dusty in the corner, so i decided to make art that can be eaten...i made cupcakes

october's gonna be a good munth

2009-08-27T12:46:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSLsCBU6DZY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ED3xCx54t80

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=siCykW9hLDU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=265dgy4TYSk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-67HcAoXZFo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P28Xf9AWklA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mZgWi2cl7TM

cough syrup is delicious

2009-06-12T12:25:00.000-07:00

so i'm doing the dishes and started thinking about some horrible terrible things...

i'm scrubbing this encrusted cheese off a frying pan and i began thinking about all the times i've scrubbed burnt cheese off a frying pan and how many times i'll have to do it again cause i just love melting cheese on things.

then i began thinking about this girl i know and how she has spent her whole dating career in relationships with men who control her every move and how even her current man happened to keel over dead after ingesting some rat poison soaked steak, i'd only see her a couple months later with another overbearing male. i wish i could give her the strength to kick these jerks to the curb and become the man hating bitch she once was...

and i thought about this guy i know and how lately he's been having trouble getting laid for some strange reason and how awesome it would be if i had a bunch of money so i could buy him a hot ass japanese hooker to ease him of his throbbing neglected balls. this made me think of how many other people out there can't get laid for one reason or another and just how many aching balls and vaginas i pass by on a daily basis, all itching to get jerked off...it's sad really....

the phone rang and it was this stupid stalker jerkbag who told horrendous lies about me and i told him to go eat a dick and i was reminded of all the dumb rumours i've heard about myself over the years and i laughed thinking about what a hideous beast i'd be if they were all true. i'd be a home wrecking bulimic heroin junky lesbian who jerks off stray dogs, drinks lamp oil for kicks, eats rubber cement, beats up cripples in wheelchairs for their hats full of change and stabs people with dirty AIDs needles (please don't believe anything you hear about me...they're all lies).

then i thought about the grocery store and those new convienient self-checkout lanes and all those people who've lost their jobs and the fact that these damn machines are ruining my chances of ever becoming a grocery clerk which would be one possible way of getting money to pay a japanese hooker for my sex deprived friend.

i thought about my dog popper and how awesome they were and how all the best bands always die fast after only a few amazing songs and how shitty bands like metallica go on and on for ages polluting our ears with their vile crap and make stupid fuckin' documentaries about how hard it is to be metallica and keep writing their awful ugly music.....FUCKIN' FUCK OFF AND DIE ALREADY!!!!! that stupid documentary has been on everyday for a week and i'm damn sick of seeing lars ulrich complaining everytime i change the channel...

anyways, i thought about a lot of things...did a lot of dishes and drank a lot of cough syrup. i think my cold's gone now.

i don't do massages (October 31, 2005 )

2009-06-12T12:21:00.000-07:00

i went to the store to fax my resume out. i had been there before with the wrong number. the guy at the counter asked if i was looking for work. i said "well yeah". he asked what kind of work. i said painting houses. he asked if i could do phone sales for his company. i told him i have horrible phone skills. he asked if i had any 'body massage' experience. i told him to go eat a dick.

invalid subject line

2009-06-12T12:18:00.000-07:00

questions questions

2009-06-12T12:16:00.000-07:00

My ex is.........a drunk old perv.

Maybe I should........make some more art.

I love......wasabi.

I don't understand......mortiis and his choice of a face.

I lost my........sanity to a handful of gravol and a mikki of bourbon.

People would say that I'm.......fickle.

Love is......what i got.

Somewhere, someone is......listening to the crash test dummies.

I will always......love you.

I never want.........to go to africa.

I think the current PM is......a fuckin comedian.

When I woke up in the morning I........wanted nothing more than the yellow mini skirt i had bought in my dream.

Life is full of......funny suprises.

My past.......reads like something out of a david lynch script.

I get annoyed when.......i go through your phone maze of prerecorded messages and number selections, then get put on hold for twenty minutes and still can't get a straight answer from the stupid bitch on the other end.

I wish.......i had a box of popsicles.

My dog is....... dead.

Tomorrow I'm going to........fuck i dunno. drink or something.

I have low tolerance for people who......get off on being miserable.

If I had a million dollars I would.....open a greasy spoon and play nothing but gangsta rap and black metal over the speakers, then sit on my ass and live comfortably for a long while.

my feet are cold

2009-06-12T12:15:00.000-07:00

that is all

2009-06-12T12:06:00.000-07:00

today...of all things...i slipped on a banana peel...a fuckin banana peel..i didn't think that actually happened in real life...

there's something sitting outside my window making a terrible noise...like a dying pigeon or something...

i apologize now to anyone whose heart i've broken in the past and to anyone whose i may break in the future... apparently, i'm a monster...

chop suey (december 8, 2006)

2009-06-12T11:59:00.000-07:00

so there's this woman at work. everytime she walks by she's got this look on her face like she's just shit herself. not only that...she's damn annoying...

example:
"can i take this tape gun?" she asks...
i say "go for it."
"i can take the other one if you like"...
"go for it"...."
"this one sticks a lot so maybe i should leave the good one with you"...
"sure whatever...i'm not using either."
"are you sure you don't need it?"
"take it...please..go."
"we have a lot of boxes to make for the next order...so it'd be better if i had the one that didn't stick so much"
at this point i usually stare of into the distance like something really interesting is going on behind her...she looks..sees nothing..looks back at me focused on the nothing...and finally she takes the damn tape gun and leaves..
i hate this woman...her pants are full of shit...

then there's this dude from bangladesh...he sings me the bangledesh anthem everyday...he even rolls his eyes into the back of his head like he's really getting into it...don't ask me why he's chosen to sarenade me like this...it really came out of nowhere...

i'm fuckin exhausted...it seems i'm always fuckin' exhausted, except for when i'm sleeping...

everyone needs to listen to more bethlehem, including me...

2009-04-21T12:19:00.000-07:00

i'm tired of waking up tired

so...

2009-03-13T21:11:00.000-07:00

i started this thing as a cheap easy way of getting my art online. then i started procrastinating and haven't put anything up for months. now i'm going to get serious and seriously put some shit up because the people have been asking for it.

my book JERK is available at Zoinks!!! book store. it's only $8...so go buy it.

finally someone agrees with me

2008-12-03T19:01:00.000-08:00

"Most, if not all drummers have a wicked sense of humour because of their timing."

-Tommy Chong

things i've recently discovered

2008-11-27T19:30:00.001-08:00

- i'm so happy crad kilodney finally got a blog. i've been itching for new material for years. sure, it doesn't have the same feel as his little self-published books that i could read on the subway while onlookers gave me weird looks for holding something bearing the name 'excrement' or 'putrid scum', but the material is still as comforting and amazing as it always was. here's one story i found rather entertaining:

http://cradkilodney.wordpress.com/2008/08/28/i-killed-sanjay-gidwani/

- erik makes the best hamburgers

- there are way too many babies at the dufferin mall

freak magnet

2008-11-25T02:06:00.000-08:00

Last night while at work a fat old man told me that sticking his finger in a hole where a doorknob used to be made him feel like a man because putting his finger in something in order to open it made him feel like a man. I really didn't know how to respond to such a statement.
It kinda reminded me of something that happened to me a couple years ago when I worked at a used bookstore on Yonge street:

A man came into the store today. He was wearing a curly sixties style blonde wig and pink lipstick. He had on a woman's green felt coat over a red silk dress puffed out by an assortment of petticoats and blue bloomers. His legs were covered in white cotton tights and his feet were adorned in black baby doll slippers. He basically looked like an overgrown unshaven Shirley Temple on acid.
He walked over to the adult novels and scanned the selection. While he walked around I noticed a jingling of a cowbell coming from beneath the petticoats. It had been a long boring winter day so I had to ask.
"What's that ringing?"
"Oh..Is it that obvious?" He answered bashfully.
"Well yeah. You kinda sound like a cow."
"It's all part of my humiliation."
"Humiliation?"
"Yeah well you see a couple years back my wife found out I had depleted her bank account gambling."
"What sorta gambling?"
"Oh casinos. Black jack mainly. You see she gave me a choice. Either I pay her back, which I knew I could never do or I subject myself to humiliation. You see I am what you call a sissy."
"A sissy? What you mean this is a common thing?"
"It's a woman's society that makes it their business to humiliate men. We are forced to wear petticoats and curtsy every time we meet a lady." He held up the sides of his petticoats and slid his left foot behind his right and bowed. "Do you know how to curtsy?" he asked.
"Well no...I'm not a sissy."
"Yeah, I didn't think so."
"The bell was actually put on a couple days ago. My wife inserted it through my penis. It's supposed to draw attention to my petticoats."
"It sure does the trick."
"I had to be circumcised to get it done. My foreskin is on display at the women's society building."
"Oh..that's harsh."
I have to wear a chastity belt as well."
"How do you go to the bathroom?"
"Well it's kinda hard because it's metal and slips on the seat, but there's a hole for it to come out. I have to take bubble baths in order to wash because it's impossible to get into the belt to scrub. She also put ball stretchers on me."
"Ball stretchers?"
"Yeah they're like two baseballs that fit onto my testicles. They weigh them down so they'll stretch. They've already stretched six inches. Eventually they'll hang past my petticoats. "
"That's gonna be pretty humiliating."
"That's what I get for gambling all my wife's money away. It's an interesting thing being subservient to women. In the women's society us sissy's are considered below young girls in their hierarchy. I've learned a lot since becoming a sissy. I've learned a lot about women. You are by far a superior species." He curtsied.
"How's my lipstick?" He smiled at me, pink smudges on his teeth and throughout his stubbled chin.
"Oh it's fine. Is that coral?"
"No...it's peachy keen."
He pulled off his wig and fixed himself up in the security mirror. His hair was thinning black and greasy. He brushed it back and pulled the wig back on. "Well it's been nice chatting with you."
"Likewise."
He curtsied and walked out, his jingling echoing down the street.

2008-11-20T17:49:00.000-08:00

finally had a couple days off work. managed to do some painting. here's one based on the parting words of a lover's quarrel.

had a weird dream last night. there was a murderer in the house so i went to 7 11 where numerous people tried to talk me out of buying a peanut butter o'henry.

the theme song to alf is the gayest song ever written.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zE52L7YBKfU